


I make sense of the madness when I listen to your voice

by justhockey



Series: Sing To Me Instead [3]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: And so is Tyler Seguin, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Like quite a bit, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, The Leafs are so supportive, Willy is an angel, Zach Is a Good Boyfriend, public outing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 03:41:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18402386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey
Summary: “We’re out,” Will repeats.“We are.”“Do you think people are gonna hate us?” He asks, sounding so small that Zach feels his heart crack a little.





	I make sense of the madness when I listen to your voice

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Ease My Mind_ by Ben Platt.

They’re in the air when the photo leaks. 

The flight had been an easy one, long enough that they could get a decent nap in, with Willy’s legs sprawled across Zach’s lap and poking out into the aisle. 

But they know the second they land that something is wrong, with the way everyone’s phones start chiming. Because they’re popular, but they’re not _that_ popular. Before Zach and Willy even get a chance to look at their phones, the entire team is watching them with sickly expressions on their faces. And. He kind of knows before he even looks, really, because. What else could it be? But that does nothing to alleviate the shock he feels when he clicks on the link his brother, Spencer, has sent him. 

No one really knows what to say to Zach and Willy to make them feel better. There _is_ nothing they can say to make them feel better. 

Their privacy has been violated in the _worst_ way, and now every sports network, every single website, is showing the picture of Zach and Willy. 

It’s kind of ironic, really. Willy hates it when other people take photos of him; he always worries about angles, if he looks good enough or not, even though Zach tells him every day how gorgeous he is. But the pictures that are now out there for everyone to see are actually kind of beautiful. Their faces are close together but they’re smiling too hard to properly kiss. He even remembers the moment; they had just got back from visiting Zach’s family, to tell them he and Willy were together. It had gone great. If one of the guys had taken the picture, both Zach and Willy would probably have used it as their lock screen. But that wasn’t the case. 

Zach feels, like, everything. Every single negative emotion imaginable is coursing through his body. He’s _furious_. He wants to sue the _fuck_ out of whoever leaked that picture, wants to bring every possible charge down on their head. But. He also feels really fucking terrified. Like, he’s kind of scared that if he moves from his seat then he’ll throw up. Because this is _not_ what they had planned. 

He wants to freak the fuck out, basically. But then he hears Willy take in a breath beside him and suddenly nothing else matters but him. 

Willy is looking scarily pale, and Zach can see that his hands are shaking as he looks at the photo and starts scrolling down to the read all the comments. Like, Zach knows they’ll have to deal with it sooner rather than later, but he’d rather get off the plane and out of the airport before they fall apart.

He takes Willy’s phone away, instead replacing it with his hand. He squeezes Willy’s hand tightly, and gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile when Willy finally meets his eye. Fuck. He fucking hates seeing Willy look like this, so _scared_. If he could drop gloves with whoever the fuck thought it was okay to leak that picture, he’d do it in a heartbeat. He’d do anything to stop Willy from looking so fragile. 

“It’s okay,” Zach says, leaning in to press a kiss to Willy’s hair, “it’s gonna be okay, baby.”

They make it through Dallas Fort Worth airport as quickly as possible. Willy and Zach keep their sunglasses on and hoods up despite the blistering heat, and without so much as saying a word, the rest of the team seem to fall into a protective circle around them. 

Zach wants to take hold of Willy’s hand, can sense that Willy wants that too, with how closely he’s walking next to Zach. But they haven’t spoken to their agents yet, don’t know what the plan of action is, so Zach settles for letting his arm brush against Willy’s every so often and hopes that it’s enough to keep them both calm. Dallas isn’t like Toronto when it comes to hockey, but the Stars are big enough now that plenty people are interested in the game, and several fans spot them and try to snap photos from a distance. 

Zach has never appreciated his teammates more than in that moment. 

*

After a heartfelt, supportive conversation with Babs, which Zach tried to hurry along for Willy’s sake, they locked themselves away in their hotel room. The guys were being great - giving them space while reassuring them that they were there for whatever they needed. And Mitchy and Auston had hugged them both so tight, trying to hide the frightened glances they kept giving each other. It was nice to know the team had their backs. 

Willy hadn’t said a single word since he’d seen the picture, though. 

Zach had handled the phone calls with Kyle, and both their agents, and then both their _parents_. Thankfully, they all already knew about Zach and Willy’s relationship, so it wasn’t like they were finding out about it for the first time through a post on Deadspin. But still. It’s all just too much. The photo is too incriminating for them to deny. 

“Baby,” Zach says, sitting down beside Willy. 

He’s holding his phone in his hand and the screen keeps lighting up every few seconds with new notifications, but Willy isn’t looking at it. In fact, he’s just kind of staring at the wall. Zach is beginning to worry. He knows better than anyone that Willy’s confidence is all bravado, that he’s actually way more insecure than he ever lets on. And they’ve had this conversation, the coming out conversation. Willy just wasn’t ready for it, but now it’s been taken out of his hands. 

“Baby, you need to talk to me, okay? I’m getting worried,” Zach says softly, nudging Willy’s shoulder slightly to try and get a response. 

Willy lets out a shuddery breath, and before Zach even has chance to process it, his arms are full of a sobbing Willy. He wraps his arms so tightly around Will, as if he can somehow hold him together by sheer force. Zach can feel Willy shaking, feel his tears wet Zach’s t-shirt as he cries. 

And fuck. Zach just wants to scream. Or fucking _break something_. Because _no one_ gets to hurt his Will like this. But there’s nothing else he can do right now, other than hold Willy until he runs out of tears to cry. 

It doesn’t happen for another fifteen minutes, but eventually Willy pulls out of Zach’s arms and lifts his hands to wipe the tears off his cheeks. His hair is sticking out in a hundred different directions, he’s sniffling quietly, his face is red, and his eyes are bloodshot and swollen. 

Zach still wants to kiss him. 

He brushes Willy’s hair out of his face and leans in to press their lips together in a gentle, comforting kiss. Willy whimpers and reaches out to clutch Zach’s soaking t-shirt. 

“Hey,” Zach says when Will finally meets his eye. 

“Hi,” Willy murmurs, “Sorry about your t-shirt.”

Zach can’t help but laugh a little. It hardly seems like the time, but. He’ll take whatever he can get at the moment. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Zach assures him. “How are you doing?”

Willy shrugs, and Zach frowns at that. He’s found since they started dating that Willy has a habit of glossing over his problems and his feelings. He’s not sure _who_ told Willy that they don’t matter, but that’s another person Zach is more than happy to fight. He hates that Willy thinks his feelings aren’t valid or worth being listened to. 

“Don’t do that,” he says, and Willy glances away. 

Zach takes hold of Willy’s chin and tilts his head so he’s looking at Zach again. Zach smiles at him, and he can breathe a little easier once Willy smiles back. It’s not a proper smile, nothing compared to the ones he gets early in the morning, when they wake up together and the sun is filtering through the curtains, but. It’ll do for now. 

“I’m sad,” Willy says after taking a few moments to think. “And I’m angry. But mostly I’m just scared, Zach.”

And yeah. That basically sums up how Zach is feeling too. 

“Me too. I know it’s not fair, but there’s not much we can do about it right now, not until we get home,” Zach says, repeating what Kyle had told him on the phone. 

“What did our agents say? Kyle?” Willy asks, sounding a little more put together than he had a few minutes ago. 

And that is one way that Zach considers them to be really, _really_ lucky. They have basically the best GM in the league, and he’d supported them the second they told him they were together, promising that he and the organisation would back them, whatever they chose to do. So. At least they don’t have to worry about being traded over this. 

Instead they can focus on the fans who will boycott the organisation, and the players who will be eager to shove them head first into the boards. 

“The picture is too clear to deny that it’s us, or say we were just messing around, so the only way to handle it is to own it. Kyle said he’ll set up a meeting with PR for when we get back to Toronto, but to not speak to the media or post anything online until then. Agents said the same,” Zach relays. 

Willy is sitting quietly, playing with Zach’s fingers as he listens. The redness around his eyes is slowly starting to fade now, and his hands have almost completely stopped shaking. Zach is fairly certain he’s not going to _literally_ fall apart at the seams anymore. 

“So, we’re out, basically? And we’ll deal with it all when we get back?”

Zach hums in confirmation. Willy lays his head on Zach’s shoulder, and Zach rests his on top of Willy’s. 

“We’re out,” Will repeats. 

“We are.”

“Do you think people are gonna hate us?” He asks, sounding so small that Zach feels his heart crack a little. 

“I think some people might, yeah. But the team has got our backs, and so has the organisation,” Zach reassures him. 

“What about other teams?”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, love, none of the guys will,” Zach says, his voice hardening at the thought of someone putting their hands on Willy. 

“They’re gonna try though. What if the Stars go after us tomorrow?” Willy sounds scared again. “Like, I don’t want to fight, Zach, I’m _so_ bad at it.”

Zach can’t help but laugh, because he’s not wrong. In practice Willy manages to lose fights that the guys are trying to _let_ him win. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Zach says, even though he’s not convinced of it himself, “and at least we know that we won’t have a problem playing Buffalo because Alex will kick all their asses if they try anything.”

Willy snorts, “He’s a worse fighter than _me_!”

Zach maybe wouldn’t go _that_ far, but Alex does kind of suck. He just knew that it would bring a smile to Willy’s face, and right now, that’s all he cares about. He’s angry and he’s scared, but he knows he can get through it if he’s got Willy by his side. 

“We’re gonna be okay, yeah?” Zach says, showing just a fraction of the fear he’d been feeling since they found out. 

Willy turns his head to look at Zach. He reaches his hand up and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s only short, but it says everything that Zach needs to hear. When Willy pulls back he’s smiling. And it’s still not quite the smile that’s reserved just for Zach, but it’s closer. They’re getting there slowly. 

*

One of the problems with being a professional hockey player is that, even when your world is crumbling around you, you still have games that need to be played. 

They’d made it down for team dinner last night, but had been able to avoid coming into contact with anyone else. So when the bus pulls up outside of the AAC, and they have to walk into a building filled with people who might hate them more today than they normally would, Zach feels Willy seize up. 

“It’ll be fine, no one is gonna say anything,” Zach tries to reassure Willy. 

“Will, seriously, if anyone says anything I’ll knock them out then report them to league,” Kappy volunteers, and the rest of the team murmur in agreement. 

Slowly, Zach guides Willy off the bus. He expects Willy to let go of his hand once they’re out in the open, but he doesn’t, he just keeps squeezing it tightly, all the way up until they’re safely inside the locker room. Zach figures it doesn’t really matter who sees now anyway, just because they haven’t confirmed it yet, it doesn’t mean people don’t know. 

They go through their regular routine of getting ready, the loud music - some awful Dad music that _only_ Patty or JT could have picked - serving as a distraction from whatever they’re about to face. And it’s not like they’re soft, okay. They’re used to being chirped relentlessly throughout games, that’s just what happens, but this has the potential to be different. Because normally you know that the same shit that’s being used on you is used on everyone else; it’s never personal. But tonight, tonight could be about to get _really_ fucking personal. 

Honestly, Zach _knows_ he can handle it. When he and Willy had first discussed coming out, he’d been very open about the fact that he’d come out publicly whenever Willy was ready to. He was more than willing to be the first. But Willy hadn’t wanted that, and Zach understood completely and was happy to keep their relationship on the down low. 

That has been taken from them now, though. And Zach is worried about how Willy is going to handle it. Not that Willy is soft, because he’s definitely not, and he can more than handle himself, he doesn’t need Zach to take care of him. But Willy’s insecure about a lot of things, and on top of that he doesn’t ever tell people what’s bothering him unless they pry. So Zach is allowed to be concerned, okay. He loves his boyfriend. 

So he hugs him a little too tightly before they step out onto the ice, hoping that Willy will still be able to feel Zach’s arms around him even if the crowd and the team they’re about to face are less than supportive. 

And. It could be _worse_. Like, honestly. Zach and Willy probably get a few more boos when they step out onto the ice than they normally would. But all things considered, it’s not _that_ bad. There are no lynch mobs or signs telling them to burn in Hell. In fact, Zach even spots a girl in a Stars jersey with a pride flag wrapped around her shoulders. Zach can tell the exact moment Willy spots her too, as a grin brighter than he’s seen since the plane touched down in Dallas spreads across his face, and his shoulders seem to relax a little. 

Zach tries not to hover around Willy too much, he knows he’ll get defensive if he thinks Zach is trying to babysit him. Willy probably wouldn’t buy it if Zach said he wanted to be close to Willy for his own comfort, even though it would be the truth. 

So they’re warming up on the ice, a good distance apart, when Zach sees a Stars player skate up to Willy. His entire body goes cold and he immediately starts to skate towards them. Players stick to their own side during warm up, and it’s certainly not the time for a friendly chat, so there’s only one thing he could possibly want with Willy. He stops beside Willy, startling both him and the Stars player, who Zach quickly realises is Tyler Seguin. He squares his shoulders. _Everyone_ is familiar with Seguin’s history. 

“Problem?” Zach asks, instinctively positioning himself slightly in front of Willy. 

Seguin puts his hands up in front of him as if he’s surrendering, and smiles gently. 

“No, no. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, you know, about the pictures. You being outed. That shit isn’t right. And you don’t have to worry, no one here is gonna say anything to either of you, or come after you, or anything,” he pauses and looks around the arena, “and security is on the look for any fans who start talking shit.”

Which. Fuck. Zach was definitely _not_ expecting that. He immediately feels a little guilty for assuming, but really, he’s allowed to be defensive right now. He’s well aware that there are plenty players in the league that are gonna be gunning after him and Willy now. 

“Thanks man, we really appreciate it,” Willy says, holding his hand out for Seguin to shake. 

For a brief second Zach thinks he won’t shake it, but he’s wrong again, and #91 shakes Willy’s hand, then holds his own out for Zach to shake too. 

“Yeah, thanks, it means a lot,” Zach echoes as he shakes Tyler’s hand. 

“No problem.” He’s skating away when he turns back around, “The gays have got to stick together,” he says with a wink, then skates off. 

Zach figures his expression mirrors Willy’s wide-eyed one. He’s about to say something, because _what the fuck?_ But then Babs calls them over to the bench and it’s time to focus. 

*

They beat the stars 5-2, and both Zach _and_ Willy score. But honestly, even if they had lost Zach would have considered it a win.

Seguin had been right. Zach and Willy weren’t checked any more frequently or forcefully than normal. The chirps completely avoided any type of homophobic comments and consisted of the usual bullshit remarks that no one really takes seriously. There was one fan who started to yell slurs at them when the Leafs took the lead, but within minutes he had been tossed out of the arena, and most of the fans had cheered when it happened. 

Willy has been a lot calmer since the game ended, smiling and laughing easier than he had done since it happened. Zach knows it’s not over with, that the toughest part is still to come, when they arrive home and have to figure out what they’re gonna do. But it feel like maybe they’ll be able to handle it a bit easier, knowing that hockey fans in _Texas_ , of all places, support them. _And_ knowing there are queer players on other teams, too. Like, in hindsight it should have been obvious, it’s statistically probable that each team has at least one gay, bi, _whatever_ , player on their team. But still. It’s not really something you think about that often. 

Zach had desperately wanted to talk to Seguin after the game. He couldn’t just expect to drop that kind of bombshell on them and then _not_ have them discuss it. Like, really. Tyler Seguin, gay? Who the _fuck_ would have guessed that? But unfortunately they had to fly out straight after the game, so Zach settles on sending him a DM right before take-off. 

_**zachhyman:** You’re seriously gay?_

He doesn’t expect to get response right away, but just as he’s about to turn his phone off for take-off, a notification comes through. 

_**tseguin92:** yh man, srry u were outed bt cngrats on joinin the club_

Zach tilts his phone so Willy can see it, and once he’s read it he just beams up at Zach from where he’s leaning on his shoulder. 

“We’re gonna be okay,” Willy ascertains, then snuggles back into Zach and closes his eyes. 

Yeah. They are. 

*

It took three hours, in a room filled with Kyle Dubas, the entire Leafs PR team, both Zach _and_ Willy’s agents, and three _You Can Play_ ambassadors, before they figured out how they were going to address the situation. 

(Willy had suggested they just tweet a bunch of pride flag emojis and leave it at that, but no one except him had thought that was good idea.)

Zach is lay back on his bed, with Willy curled into his side and his laptop resting on his stomach. He keeps refreshing his twitter page as Willy anxiously drums his fingers against Zach’s chest. 

He can’t help the gasp he lets out when he refreshes once more and the tweet is there, right at the top of his feed. He looks to Willy for confirmation, and when he nods his head Zach clicks on the link. 

The link directs them to a video on YCPs YouTube page. Zach presses play and they both hold their breath as the video starts. 

Zach and Willy watch as the video versions of themselves come into focus. They are both grinning nervously, and their hands are tangled together, resting on Zach’s lap. 

_”I’m Zach Hyman.”_

_“And I’m William Nylander.”_

_“And if you can play, you can play.”_

**Author's Note:**

> As always, the games aren’t actually reflective of the season. Sorry for making Willy so sad.


End file.
